Lady Gaga lives life to the beat of her own drum
In life, social trends push us to conform to certain lifestyles, certain behaviours, and certain characteristics. We face a basic dichotomy where we choose A) to conform, or B) to express our individuality. And in life, this fundamental option characterizes every decision we make. Perhaps it may be simplistic to state that every action is based on a binary choice, either A or B, but this is really what it comes down to. One of my favourite psychologists, Maslow, also believed in this decision we always face, although he took a slightly different twist. He stated when we face a crossroads we either choose to pick A) the option that is safe, or B) the option that is the risk.
And really, these two options correspond nicely to conformity vs. individuality. We always choose to conform because it is safe, it is expected, we know a subset of people will accept us once we choose this option. It is the reason why I opt to wear American Eagle or Urban Outfitters clothing instead of cheaper, baggier clothing that I would normally feel more comfortable wearing but would look awkward on my slim physique. It is also the reason why I maintain a shorter hairstyle instead of a longer style representative of the 70s-rocker within me. The reason why I choose these options likely lies in my conflicting sociological beliefs, where I follow the work of Charles Cooley and his looking-glass self, whereby I frame myself upon the predicted judgments of others. Simply put, I want to be accepted, I want people to have a positive first impression of me, and I don’t want to seem aberrant or eccentric. Perhaps the risk of performing an action that is different, even if it is true to who I am, outweighs the benefits of not performing the risk. For instance, I would love to take the risk and have an artistic yet dangerous tattoo on my back like one of my wrestling idols, Randy Orton, but I think about the long-term consequences: Would my wife approve? How will my potential employers react? What would it look like in my old age? Maybe I’m now touching upon a paradigm between living in the present or living in the future, and this conflict is vital to the conformity paradox.
But where does Lady Gaga fit in? She has rocketed to the top of the celebrity world by choosing option B consistently. She takes risks and expresses her individuality. One may initially consider the celebrity world to be leagues apart from our personal worlds, where being individual is a requisite, the only way to have that X-factor to get signed. But Lady Gaga, like all of us, has faced hardships in taking those risks, often originally getting booed in her earlier music acts, and often being teased at school for her different view of life, her sexuality, and her sense of style. And in the end, her individuality has resonated in a world where impressionable teenagers have adapted to the American Eagle clothing, short hair, and clean-cut lifestyle demanded from the norms and mores of society. She has developed a huge fan-base to the point where people want to live a “Gaga” life. Even my dad recently called her amazing and sensational: a huge standard to be given by my father, who possesses a typical aversion to Western Culture. I would solidly place her as one of my inspirations, as she has encouraged all of us to find that “freak” within, as seen in this interview with Ellen. I’d recommend a full watch, but at least watch from the 3:00 point.
Lady Gaga lives in the present. One could argue that most celebrities live in the present, trying to make the most out of their 15 minutes in the spotlight, knowing that they may later transcend back into anonymity. In the real world, there are demands on careful planning, organization, and networking. To achieve success in this world, the paradigm shifts from becoming an actualized individual, to accepting what society demands. Lady Gaga is a misnomer, as she can be the individual and what society demands simultaneously, but there are only so many niches in the world for people like her. Instead of bearing obstacles and hardships in finding that niche in the world, it is often most convenient to choose one or the other.
But how do we know which to choose? Should we consistently choose option A, or consistently option B, or a mixture of the two? The answer is not so simple. Taking a look into animal behaviour, the ultimate reason for all behaviours corresponds to fitness of the individual. For example, a raccoon foraging at night helps it avoid predators, or a bird with a longer and more varied mating song will encourage more potential mates. The animal world is selfish in this regard, as self-sacrificing genes are rare. However, there is a well-documented behaviour known as reciprocal altruism, where an individual animal performs a helpful action upon another individual, where it then expects a similarly beneficial action to be performed later. This is as simple as chimps picking insects from the backs of each other, or as complex as vampire bats regurgitating blood only for those who did the same action beforehand. Although characterized in animals, this action can be seen in humans as a form of friendship.
Even these ugly creatures can develop friendships
In friendships, we often develop a sense of trust, where one performs a favour, and then expects one in return. Friendships form a very basic network in human society, as this reciprocal altruism resonates and is a vital part in the formation of society. The entire economic system and transfer of money relies and enforces this mechanism of altruism, as individuals are rewarded for how much they provide to society. If I work 40 hours, I will earn more than if I work 10 hours. But in every friendship, in every personal connection, we must as suggested in animal behaviour: self-sacrifice. Artists are unique in that people pay and admire their services because of their individuality. For the rest of us, myself included, we must sacrifice ourselves, our passions, and our desires, to be able to acquire money for survival. Even in the smaller-scale with friendships, we must sacrifice part of ourselves to be accepted by the other, it all ties back to the Looking Glass Self.
Just as with chimpanzees or vampire bats, it seemed advantageous to develop altruistic relationships, or friendships. But as time as gone by, I began to realize with every friendship, every relationship, I have had to adapt to the other individual and in turn lose a part of me. Whether it was one-sidedly helping them with their homework, putting up with their offensive remarks, constantly having to listen to their philosophies which often juxtapose mine, or learning to adapt to their markedly different culture, to make these new friendships or relationships work, I needed to sacrifice part of myself. In commonplace, these actions are known as compromise, but really I am compromising my individuality.
Maslow also implored “Be prepared to be unpopular.” Lady Gaga was prepared to be unpopular, and ultimately her hard work paid off. But it’s difficult choosing that option B, when option A is right in front of you. The short-term gains of making that friend, being popular in parties, making those new connections, having a positive image, all seem worth it at the time. But if your passions, your dreams, your beliefs are modified by virtue of picking that option, what is the real gain? Society does necessitate conformity, but as an individual, we must really follow our own heart, or else we will then become a product — not an asset — to society.
Popularity is a goal for all of us. It would be a blatant lie to say otherwise. But perhaps in the long-term the only way to achieve real popularity, popularity for who you are, whether it is the art you produce, the scientific idea you have, the spiritual belief you hold, or the characteristic you hold dear, will only be achieved by staying true to yourself. If you deviate and look at popularity in the short-term, it will be artificial, as you never had time to develop who you are really are.
For me, I have a few best friends, the ones who allow me to be me 100%, and that’s really all I need. I will make sure I am not misled to become a popular conformist… because at the end of the day, I like everyone, wants to be like Lady Gaga, a popular individual. Someone who is respected for who I am, who I was, and who I want to be.
Peace and love!! 😀
Prateek
Infinite Vector 